Once again life changes ...

Once again life is changing.

I just wish things would slow down once in a while, and work for us, instead of against us.  It is so hard to try and move forward from things, when there is always something to hold you back.  For me, it's fear of the unknown, but not on my part, as much as my husbands.  We are relocating and it will take him away from where he's grown up, but the job opportunities are better for both of us in another state.

I know how scary it can be, but he is still hiding his emotions and feelings from everyone around him.  I made a huge move a year ago, and understand how hard it is, but I did it.  He's having a very hard time, and with me especially, it's frustrating.  I love him, but wish that right now, things were different.

I get that he's scared, and even apprehensive, but we can't continue the way things are right now.  I worry that this could truly destroy us, in a way that I don't know if it will ever be able to be fixed.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a "doer" and that I don't accept it when people are unable to do what they say they are going to, simply because they can't be 'bothered" .. right now, he's slowly falling into a depression, and while I can understand his fears are what's driving him there, I can't help but feel a little selfish, and want to get mad at him, and yell that he's not  the only one moving, and changing their life.

Men can be so difficult sometimes, if only he believed in himself, the way I do .. I try all the time, to encourage him, and help him feel better about himself, but that doesn't seem to help.

Cause and Affect

I haven't been good the last few days, or this week for that matter.  It's been one of those weeks, where you contemplate, and reflect.  I have been reflecting on choices made, decisions, friends lost, and have realized that everything happens for a reason.

I have used that term, so many times, and I truly believe it .. but what happens when the internal demons that we all struggle to keep quiet end up creeping in and the self doubt starts.  I have been doing that now all week, struggling with that little voice in my head, that keeps doing nothing but bring negativity into my mind.  I have known, since I was young, about cause and affect.  I have taught my children about cause and affect, but what do we do, when it's the adults that are in our lives, that just don't understand.  How do you 'teach' someone who has never been taught ?  Someone who 'assumes' that there is no cause / affect, no ramifications, no consequences, that with a simple "I'm sorry" they assume the world is perfect once again ?

I heard a story, from a good friend of mine, about her (then) Boyfriend, and it reminded me that as adults, we sometimes forget some of the basic things our parents try to teach us as children. Here's the story;

He had gone out with his friends for the night, and had told her it would just be a 'couple of hours' after work.  She was tired, and really wanted a quiet night in, so she told him to have fun, and she'd see him when he got home.  Hours pass, and she doesn't hear from him.  She tries to send him a text message, no answer.  He calls and says, he's going to be home 'soon'.  Hours pass, and pass, and he's not home.  She tries to text him again, no answer.  She starts to worry, she calls her sister and tells her that she's scared that something is wrong, or that he's in danger.  It's now 3 A.M. and she still hasn't heard from him, she goes to bed.  He calls her at 5 A.M. and tells her he's on his way home, that he got drunk, and passed out at a buddy's place, and was 'too drunk' to let her know.

Here is her question to me ...

What do I do ?  She is hurt, that he never called, but glad he's home ...