Monday, February 11, 2013

It's been a while

I know, I know, it's been a while since I've posted.  I've been a busy girl these days, and couldn't find the time to sit, with my coffee, and update you all.

Life has changed, once again.  We are finally moved to our new place, and let me tell you, apartment hunting is for the birds !  40 apartments later, and we found the one we love.

Life is full of constant changes, and I'm glad that we can now move forward with our next step in the journey to the beginning of our lives together.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Cancer SUCKS !

Today, I found out that one of my best friends has been told that she's terminal, and that this will be the last Christmas she spends with her children.

We are on opposite sides of the country now, since I moved, and it's not easy for me to get to her.  She's one of the most incredible women I know, and is young enough to be my daughter.  She's my son's best friends mom, and my kids adore her.  She's like a second mom to them.

I am in shock, we've known that she had one form of cancer, and had been dealing with it, when she noticed something on her back, that she didn't like.  When she saw her oncologist, they were desperate to try and get it removed and biopsied as soon as possible.  She told me today that the doctor has told her that it's terminal, and they aren't sure that there is going to be a way to stop/cure/delay the inevitable.

She's young, she's beautiful and has both a beautiful heart, and a beautiful spirit.  She truly has her whole life ahead of her, and the life of her children.  I know that Cancer doesn't know age, or what your family life is like, and I know that there have been others before her, but I can't help but feel horrible.  I'm too far away, and feel helpless.  She has an incredible support network, and I'm sure that right now, we're all in shock.

I lost my mom at 13, and I can only imagine the emotions that are flooding my friend right now.  I wish I was there, to give her a hug, and help her ... but right now, all I can do, is pray .. and hope that the doctors are wrong.  So many of us love her, and need her around.

I have had a friend go through this, and beat it, and is thankfully healthy once again, she knows who she is, and I felt just as bad when I found out about her.  Life is so unfair sometimes.  I remember my friend saying in her own blog, just the other day, there are 2 types of Cancer Patients, those that give up and those that fight (or something to that effect) .. I am praying that my friend has the strength to be the type that fights.  We aren't done having her around, and both her children need her.

Today, I'm ending with a prayer, I'm not sure when I'll be up to writing here again ..

Dear Lord, please take my friend in your arms, and help give her the strength to fight this Cancer.  She needs you right now, to show her that she can't just give up, because that's what the doctor says.  She needs the strength, inside her, to fight.  She's so sad right now, so devastated, and so emotional.  Help her see the hope for her future, and help her to fight to get there.  We are all on our knees, begging you to help her, and her doctors during this time.

In Jesus name I pray, AMEN

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

What are you thankful for ?

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and it's amazing what some people are thankful for.

I just want to wish everyone, a safe and happy holiday.

I am thankful for:

My life, there are so many people struggling to stay alive
The food on my table, it may not be fancy, but it's food
The air that I breathe is clean, and not filled with pollution
The roof over my head, it's not mine, but it is a home filled with love
The arms that hold me at night, are those of my incredible husband
The sound of my daughter's voice, singing to me at night
The sound of my son's voice, sharing his day with me
The sound of my step son's voices telling me they love me

and most of all, I am thankful to God for waking me up each day.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Things that make you wonder ...

Life can be crazy, and hard, and heart wrenching all at the same time.  Our cat passed away yesterday, and while it's the first time my husband has dealt with the loss of a pet, it's not mine.  She was only in my life for a year, but I loved her just the same.

I've always had pets in my life, as have my children.  I remember when my son turned 6 and wanted a Hamster, because one of his friends has got one.  At the time, my ex and I were still together, and we had 4 cats.  I tried to explain (as best I could) that getting one was maybe not the best choice of pet, considering the hamster/cat ratio in the house.  But, after numerous discussions, all leading to me being the worst mom in the world, because I wouldn't 'let' him get the hamster, I chose to teach him an even bigger lesson, "Responsibility".  My son got the hamster, and as we thought, it got out of his cage, and well, you know what happened.  Finally, after the 3rd hamster, he decided he wanted another cat.  Having to learn about the death of a pet, at such an early age, taught him something I'd never even realized, until just recently.

Over the past 2 years, my kids lost 2 of our cats.  Both had to be put to sleep, because of health issues, one, had a stroke during the night, (mild although devastating) and my son found him.  He quietly woke me up and said, mommy, the cat is really sick, and I don't want my sister to find him.  (He was 8 at the time, and she was 5).  So, mommy gets up, and sure enough, I have to call their father to come down and 'deal' with things, because I emotionally couldn't.  I felt a crack in my heart.  I had that cat since he was a baby .. before the children came along, during happier times with my ex-husband, and before life got complicated and out of control.

3 months later, my other cat had to be taken to the vet, and I had to put her down.  Again, I was heartbroken, but this time, my son sat on the couch with me, as if he was a teenager, and said ... "Mom, it's okay to cry, I now you loved the cat, but sometimes, they are just too sick to stay our pets".  What an incredible young man.

So, back to the original reason for this post, my (new) husband's cat passed away yesterday, and he cried.  I told him "I know how you feel" but the one thing that brought me solace, was that she had been sick .. and it reminded me of what my son said to me almost 2 years ago, and THAT made me cry.

Our children are incredible humans, if given the tools, and the encouragement to become all that they are meant to be.  I am proud of my children, and my step children.  Each of them have their own skills, and abilities.  Between us, my husband and I have 6 children, and I love every single one of them ...

Have a great day, I need to go wipe some tears.

Monday, November 12, 2012


Decisions, are always followed up with consequences.

I would love to be able to say that my life hasn't had consequences, for decisions, and choices I've made, but then again, I'd be lying to you, and to myself.  Life is full of choices, decisions, and consequences.  I heard a story today, about someone who got themselves into a situation because they offered to help someone.  It's hard when you find yourself stuck, in a situation you don't want to be in, but you did it for the right reasons.

Is there such a thing as 'Karma' or are they just lessons to be learned ?

I have another friend, who is helping a family, she doesn't even know, make sure this woman has gifts for her children for Christmas.  That is the true spirit of the season, don't you think ?

I am a firm believer that it's better to give then receive.  I am a giving person by nature, and the first one to try and help someone, in any way I can, if it's possible.  I have been a helper, and been helped.  Without some of the people in my life, who have helped me, I wouldn't be where I am today.  I believe in paying it forward, and it's something I try to do every day.

Paying it forward, is one of the most selfless acts you can do ... but you have to do it for the right reasons, in my opinion, and do it, because you're willing to risk it all, to help another.  Things happen, and situations are messy, but at the same time, the only thing you can do, is your best.  We all have disappointments in life, but the one thing I can say, is that I am the person I am, because of the people around me.

Have a great day,

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Remembrance Day

Today is a day to remember, those that have served your country.  Ones that have given the ultimate sacrifice and given their lives, or the life they had, so that we can all enjoy the freedom that we do.

Take time out today, to reflect.  I lost my great grandfather in Siberia, during the war.  Never met him, but heard stories of my family heritage, that came from Poland during some horrible times.  One thing I pray, is that our children never have to face some of the war that our forefathers have faced, or that some of our military are facing right now.

My wish is for a world of Peace, Acceptance, and Tolerance.  In today's world, there isn't enough of any of that.  People are quick to judge, without knowing the facts, and easy to turn their backs on people who are in need.  I was reading an article the other day, about Soldiers in the USA who have come home from combat to no home, and end up on the street, because of the trauma they have experienced.  I know the article is old, but I can't help but think that it hasn't changed much.  It breaks my heart to know that someone who has given their life, to ensure our safety, is homeless, and jobless.  You can see the article (from 2008) right here

Have a great day everyone.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

The move

As some know, I talked about us relocating.  Well, I've been away this past week because I was getting us ready to do just that.  We spent the day travelling, and ended up at our destination 12 hours later.  A little tired, and a little cramped from being on planes, but we did it.

I can't begin to tell you how big of a move this was for us.  It's the first time, in 15 years my husband has flown, and needless to say, he was apprehensive about flying.  It's the first time he's ever lived outside of his home state, and he is scared, and nervous I'm sure.  I'm so proud of him.  I know it was very hard for him to leave everything he's ever known, and how hard it must have been for him to decide that this is what's best for US as a family.

It opens up so many doors for us, financially, socially, and most of all as a family.  We will be in a better place in our lives, this time next year, and I can't wait for us to get our own place, and finally make it feel like the home we all deserve.  Too many times, there are obstacles put in our way, to test our resilience and see just how much we want something.  I knew a year ago, when I decided to move the first time, to begin our lives together, that there was going to be nothing that would stop us.  This week proved it.

We lived through the hurricane, and watched nothing but devastation around us.  Yesterday, we left New York for the last time.  We still have family (his) there, and we have a wedding to go back there for next summer, but, we've left.  I'm sure the ghosts, and demons from the past, realized that, when we got on the first plane yesterday.  We got on, and never looked back.

Life is about challenges, and about just how bad you want something.  I've always said that regardless of the situation, everything happens for a reason.  We may not always understand the reason for some challenges, but as long as you realize, that in the end ... there is nothing that will stop you from living your dreams.  I am just beginning, and I can assure you, that this time next year, the dream will be a reality

I'm off to rest, it's exhausting going from one side of the country to the other.