Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Rain, Rain go away

Another day, and another post.

I'm not sure if anyone reads these, I know I have one friend who is following me, and I love her for it.  I don't even really worry about others reading it, it just helps me to have somewhere that I can 'vent' where nobody really knows who I am ... does that make sense ?

I don't need popularity, and yes, I know that's what blogging is all about, but there are times, when all you need to do is vent.

It's raining here, and it suits my mood.  Going back to bed sounds like a great idea today.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Once again life changes ...

Once again life is changing.

I just wish things would slow down once in a while, and work for us, instead of against us.  It is so hard to try and move forward from things, when there is always something to hold you back.  For me, it's fear of the unknown, but not on my part, as much as my husbands.  We are relocating and it will take him away from where he's grown up, but the job opportunities are better for both of us in another state.

I know how scary it can be, but he is still hiding his emotions and feelings from everyone around him.  I made a huge move a year ago, and understand how hard it is, but I did it.  He's having a very hard time, and with me especially, it's frustrating.  I love him, but wish that right now, things were different.

I get that he's scared, and even apprehensive, but we can't continue the way things are right now.  I worry that this could truly destroy us, in a way that I don't know if it will ever be able to be fixed.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a "doer" and that I don't accept it when people are unable to do what they say they are going to, simply because they can't be 'bothered" .. right now, he's slowly falling into a depression, and while I can understand his fears are what's driving him there, I can't help but feel a little selfish, and want to get mad at him, and yell that he's not  the only one moving, and changing their life.

Men can be so difficult sometimes, if only he believed in himself, the way I do .. I try all the time, to encourage him, and help him feel better about himself, but that doesn't seem to help.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Cause and Affect

I haven't been good the last few days, or this week for that matter.  It's been one of those weeks, where you contemplate, and reflect.  I have been reflecting on choices made, decisions, friends lost, and have realized that everything happens for a reason.

I have used that term, so many times, and I truly believe it .. but what happens when the internal demons that we all struggle to keep quiet end up creeping in and the self doubt starts.  I have been doing that now all week, struggling with that little voice in my head, that keeps doing nothing but bring negativity into my mind.  I have known, since I was young, about cause and affect.  I have taught my children about cause and affect, but what do we do, when it's the adults that are in our lives, that just don't understand.  How do you 'teach' someone who has never been taught ?  Someone who 'assumes' that there is no cause / affect, no ramifications, no consequences, that with a simple "I'm sorry" they assume the world is perfect once again ?

I heard a story, from a good friend of mine, about her (then) Boyfriend, and it reminded me that as adults, we sometimes forget some of the basic things our parents try to teach us as children. Here's the story;

He had gone out with his friends for the night, and had told her it would just be a 'couple of hours' after work.  She was tired, and really wanted a quiet night in, so she told him to have fun, and she'd see him when he got home.  Hours pass, and she doesn't hear from him.  She tries to send him a text message, no answer.  He calls and says, he's going to be home 'soon'.  Hours pass, and pass, and he's not home.  She tries to text him again, no answer.  She starts to worry, she calls her sister and tells her that she's scared that something is wrong, or that he's in danger.  It's now 3 A.M. and she still hasn't heard from him, she goes to bed.  He calls her at 5 A.M. and tells her he's on his way home, that he got drunk, and passed out at a buddy's place, and was 'too drunk' to let her know.

Here is her question to me ...

What do I do ?  She is hurt, that he never called, but glad he's home ...

Monday, October 15, 2012

Baby Steps

One of the biggest obstacles in our lives, is the approval seeking process we go through as children.  We spend most of our formative years, wanting approval, for everything from learning to walk, to our friends, and the way we act in public with others.

I have always prided myself with my ability to 'behave' in public (so to speak) and I have tried to teach my children the same thing, and I pride myself on the comments I get, from others, about my children when they are out.  I have tried to teach them what is acceptable, and what isn't, which brings me to today's post ....

I have seen all types of behavior, being a child care provider, and a parent.  You see that child in Walmart having a temper tantrum, and the first thing you say is " OMG look at how they are behaving ".  I have realized that it's not always the child's fault on how they behave, because they don't 'understand' the consequences of their actions.  We, as parents are supposed to be teaching our children what's acceptable, and what isn't.

I have been in situations where I would love to go out, but my child isn't feeling well, or they are tired.  What do you do ?  Do you risk the all mighty 'melt down' in the store, because you KNOW that your child is tired, or do you let them nap, and then go out ?  I've done both, and let me tell you, I've learned one thing in the past (almost) 11 years ... Groceries will wait, shopping will wait, but our children grow up way too fast.

Cherish your children, have a great day.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Decisions ...

Life has always been about decisions, what is right and what is wrong, is in the eye of the person making the choices in their life.

We have all had to make those difficult choices in our life, and as we get older, the choices, instead of getting easier, actually get more difficult.

It used to be about what to wear to school, to be considered 'cool' to our friends, and then it was about what boy we'd like, who we would have has friends, and finally what we want to be when we grow up.

I always wanted to be a nurse, a care giver, and someone who helped others.

Those dreams were dashed long ago, and I chose a different path, one of trials and tribulations, of choices yet to be made.  Was it the right thing to do?  Nobody knows, but God (or whatever higher power you believe in) because in the end, we aren't even in control.  Obstacles are put in our path, as a test, to see how strong, and resilient we are.

I'm just as guilty as the next person, of questioning the choices I've made in my life, were they the right ones, I guess only time will tell ?

What about you, are there choices you've made in your life, that you wish you could change ?

I thought it was time

I thought it was time, to get back to me, and doing what I love doing the most.  Besides being a wife, and mother, and friend, I love to write.

I've been writing for years, and hit the same wall that many writers hit from time to time ~ LIFE~ but I think I'm ready, once again to share some of my innermost thoughts and stories with you, and share the ups and downs, and everything in between.

All my stories are true, and factual, shared between friends, some of them are mine, and some aren't.

They are musings, at best, and meaningless to many, but for me, it's therapy.

I will be sharing many things here, this is my outlet.

Thanks for stopping by,